Even though I go through this every-other Christmas, it never seems to get any easier. I feel sad, empty and a little mad. I know it is what I signed up for, but still, it doesn't seem fair. I'll come back to this...
First, I'll tell you all about the happiness from the last few days:
Because of the sadness that I'll tell you about later, we had to have Christmas early this year. So, Thursday was Christmas Eve for us. Even though it was a very busy day with it being the last day of school, which meant class Christmas parties that I was involved with, and a trip to the orthopedic doctor with Caleb, we were able to have a lovely turkey dinner together. It was super good. After we ate, we had our traditional "family talk" and we watched part of the First Pres. Christmas Devotional that I had recorded. The kids opened one present which, as always, included new PJ's. The kids put on their new jammies, we hopped in the car and did our traditional Christmas light extravaganza which included a trip to the ice-cream place. We brought the kids home, put them to bed and we spent the next 4 hours putting together new beds, wrapping presents and a very last minute trip to He** Mart.
"Christmas morning" was great. We woke up early, had Dad pancakes and opened up presents. It really was perfect and very, very enjoyable, but it was all over way too soon. **Pictures of the fun will soon follow**
Now, for the sad part: It is Steve's year to have Caleb and Kennedy and we had to take them last night and drop them off. We won't see them for 10 days. I can't explain the emptiness I feel when they are gone. It's seriously a pain that can't be described. I know it's just how it has to be, but I don't like it and I'm just not ok with it. Luckily, I got all my crying out of the way and I wasn't my usual basket case when they were leaving. I don't ever want them to see me cry. I don't want them to feel guilty. What I do want them to know is how much they are loved and missed and I want them to hurry back home so I don't feel incomplete anymore.
Saturday, December 22, 2007
Incomplete
Posted by Emily at 11:35 AM
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10 comments:
I'm sorry that your Christmas won't feel quite complete this year. You are such a good mom, and one day they will be able to realize the sacrifices that you made for them.
That was depressing. I'm sorry Emily. Sam would say "that sucked." It sounds like you guys had a good celebration together though. And we'll be seeing you really soon!
I know you have such a hard time with this. But you are such a strong person, you may never admit it-but you are. I've been thinking about this exact situation quite a bit actually. Maybe this is a story for an e-mail though. Take Care and have a safe trip.
I'm always amazed at how strong you are Em. I know it's tough. Sounds like your Christmas was so fun! I bet you are so excited to go to UT and see your Family! Have a Merry Christmas! We'll be thinking of you!
Emmy, everyone knows that Dec 25 is just a day that was selected. Your kids adult memories of Christmas will not be of the specific day of the month but the time of year. That is why when people begin celebration on the day after Thanksgiving it never bothers me. Merry belated Christmas to your kids and cheer up!
That made me sad :( I'll appreciate my time with my kids more this Christmas. Have a good time at Anna's.
Emily, I feel your pain. Lucky for me my kids dont go far. Just a few blocks away but I still feel sad when I am at home alone. When I drop them off to Coreys I feel I am ready for the break because it is so hard doing it alone but when Im sitting on my couch with nothing to do and no kids screaming in the backround I feel lonely and empty. It makes me apprecaite even more, the times when they are with me. I hope you have a good Christmas.
Emily, that is sad. I am glad you were able to celebrate it early with them. I hope your family still has an enjoyable holiday. Kids are what make it so much fun.
At least you will be surrounded by lots of family to keep you busy.
Merry Christmas to you!
Sorry Emily, that is soooo sad! I'm sure I can't begin to understand how you feel, but I do feel sad that you guys have to go through this. Your a strong wonderful mama!
Dear Emily,
You really are a terrific mother and example and somehow it will all work out. And I know that Rob is a ideal dad to them too. I also know that they appreciate it.
all children grow up and leave the nest and before you know it they will be grown and they will treasure the memories and how you sacrificed to make it all work!
We hope they never have to experience what you do to truly know but the hardship is made less by your sharing a little choice time.
We think of children as an extension of ourselves but they are not. They are not even ours. they are just given to us to rear on the earth. They are God's children and we get to share part of their lives. They are themselves and are eternal personalities who we once knew and loved in the pre existence, I think, They have their own lives to live and to sort out.
IT is not about us but it is about them and what is best for them. You do have the right for inspiration for that on their part though.
God will bless you to know what to do for HIS very special children and you have already done that, I think, but life continues and challenges do to.
For you, because of the heart aches you have had, you will also know more joy in the good times and life will continue to be very sweet.
You are awesome. You do what it right.
I love you,
Mom Matson
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